RelationshipDo you and your partner argue bitterly and constantly heap blame upon each other? Do you frequently rue how you’ve lost the mutual understanding you once had? As a result, are your days filled with anger, silence and sadness?

The breakdown of an emotional connection with a cherished partner is extremely painful. Perhaps you fear there’s no way back to that state of deep bonding you once enjoyed. The good news is that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers you a proven way to reconnect.

What EFT is exactly?

As the name suggests, EFT maintains that emotions play a core role in any relationship. When couples first meet, the emotional connection is positive. This is when the ‘chemistry’ is at work. Think back to when you first met your partner and remember how together you felt.

However over time, the magic wears off and reality sets in, the other person’s flaws seem more pronounced, and the reluctance to criticize fades.

The result is increased conflict and a waning in the emotional bond. One result of this is often a tremendous fear of loss at a primal level. Feelings of abandonment strike deep in the survival centres of the brain leading to a disturbing mixture of anger and anxiety

As this state, the relationship degenerates into a vicious circle of recrimination and blame. The whole connection unravels as trust and empathy are lost. Sometimes, substance abuse and other addictive patterns occur.

How Can EFT Help?

At the heart of EFT theory lies the idea that discord is never really about the surface issues. Rather it’s rooted in one or both of the couple not feeling securely attached. Without proper guidance, the couple often indulges in repetitive arguments which are never resolved. That’s when professional help from an EFT counsellor is needed.

The EFT counsellor provides a map to help get out of the negative spiral. Other than creating the framework in which the couples can express and resolve their emotional issues, the therapist also works as a guide to keep them on track and ensure the session is moving in a productive direction. In essence, he creates healthy channels for communication.

This way, your qualified Auckland relationship counsellor and EFT therapist offers tools that allow you to rebuild communication pathways and start trusting and providing support to each other again. This is the only way to rebuild a relationship.

EFT offers a number of benefits. For one thing, it’s relatively short. You only need to attend 8-20 sessions. Most importantly, it’s a proven system with success rates of around 70%.

The fear and distress that comes from emotional disconnection can be devastating. But in this conflict lies the opportunity to re-bond and take your relationship to a whole new level. This will only happen if you do things right and for that expert guidance from a trained EFT therapist is vital.

Undergoing emotionally focused couples therapy demands openness and honesty but the rewards are commensurate. If you feel you could benefit from EFT, contact the Robert Street Clinic in Auckland to see a relationship counsellor today for a preliminary appointment.