Most people come to marriage counselling because things have reached breaking point or they are close to breaking up, but it can often be a good idea to get help much earlier than this particularly if there is a lot of conflict or disagreements between you and your partner.
There are many theories as to how counselling can help, but most problems couples encounter are related to how well matched their ideas of intimacy and love are, and often these ideas come from our own experiences of learning about love and relationships growing up as well as any “baggage” we may have picked up along the way in our adult life.
While we may come to marriage and relationships with these experiences of what love “feels” like, these ideas and experiences don’t have to be bad or traumatic for problems to emerge in our intimate relationships. Often it’s just that the differences between these ideas of what love “should” be like, how to feel cared for, loved or special, are different from our partners. And because these are quite “emotional” things to talk about we may need help to discus and understand these differences.
How can couples counselling help?
That’s where couples counselling or marriage counselling can help. Unlike relationship advice, counselling can help you learn the skills to have these difficult conversations and navigate those emotionally “hot” topics more successfully.
Relationship counselling can help you and your partner understand unhelpful patterns and learn to communicate with each other in ways that better regulate your own and each others emotions. Whilst our closest relationships can be extremely upsetting and lead us to feel very powerful negative emotions, the “science” of love and attachment also tells us that close relationships are vital to us being able to feel emotionally regulated, healthy and happy.
The Robert Street Clinic has a number of relationship counselling experts who can help. If you have any questions or simply want to make an appointment please call us on 09 973 5950 or contact us now.